real story;
string sender;
sender = "@adriells";
Nephew: How can I convert that string to uppercase?
Programmer: Did you try to google it?
Nephew: No... I'll try!
Nephew: It didn't work!
Code on screen: google($str);
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: FATAL ERROR

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Adriano Dias";
Alonso: Dude, the files I uploaded to server aren't working yet...
Programmer: Are you sure you have uploaded all needed files from your computer?
Alonso: It's not working on my machine too...
Programmer: FACEPALM!

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Paulo J.";
Boss: Our system has an extreme security flaw and I need you to fix it immediately!
Programmer: What is happening?
Boss: An acquaintance of mine accessed our system without permission
Programmer: Do you imagine how he did it?
Boss: No, he had never accessed since I told him my user and password...
--
T-shirt: Working for a genius

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Flávio S. Pires";
Programmer: Where do I inform this increase value from invoice to the user's report?
Boss: No, you don't. Just decrease this value from total value, then it's Ok.
Programmer: But decrease it from invoice wouldn't be slush fund??
Boss: What are you?? FBI Agent?? IRS auditor??
--
T-shirt: umask 007

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Gramathur";
Designer: Man, I got a new job to us. The client wants it in two months. I'll draw the layout and you do the programming
Programmer: ok
(Three weeks later...)
Programmer: Dude, where's the layout? I need it now...
Designer: ok. I just sent it to your email...
Designer (at phone): Hi! Jerry? I just sent the layout to the programmer. So, tomorrow your site will be online!
--
T-shirt: 404

Thor: My hammer is magical, but what about your shield?
Captain: I implemented a callback function!

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Mike";
Boss: Our client said his users don't know how to use the program. So, write a documentation to them.
Programmer: Ok, I'll do it and include it on help section
(Some time later...)
Boss: The client said the users don't know where's the documentation, so make it more prominent...
Programmer: Ok, I'll put it on the screen as soon as the system runs...
(Some time later...)
Boss: The client said the users don't know that they need to read the documentation
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: What else could we expect from the users

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Conrado Adolpho";
Boss: Our client wants a invisible button on system to access site statistics without anyone else know how he does
Programmer: What an awful idea!
Boss: Do what he asks, because you don't talk with the users, so you don't know how to do it...
(Later...)
Boss: The user called complaining because he's not finding the button with the statistics...
--
T-shirt: I'm not designer

Programmer: Hey, who are you?
Programmer from the future: I am you, from the future...
- Geez!
- I came to bring you an advice: You have to get off from that project, before it will be too late
- But the boss said the user wants a simple system and the money will compensate the implementation
- Trust me... There's no requirements gathering. The only thing your boss knows is that the user wants something, but not sure what. They won't do any analysis and you'll carry all project by your own. After a 7 months implementation, with overtime, sleepless nights, changing requirements, reimplementation and tons of workarounds, the user will say that it's nothing like he had thought and you'll have to start all over again
- But if I change the future, you'll not exist anymore and you won't come back to give me this advice!
- Probably my timeline will become alternate, but it's worth to sacrifice...
- Or it may generates a space-time paradox that coulde explode the whole universe!
- Trust me, it would still be worth...
--
T-shirt: #100

Programmer: Hey, Boss! We need to improve our ticket system. I suggest to create 3 priority levels: Urgent, very urgent and extremely urgent...
A.P.: Without medium and low priorities?
Programmer: Have you ever seen here anything with priority lower than urgent?
A.P.: You're right...
--
T-shirt: I hate mondays