real story;
string sender;
sender = "Mike";
Boss: Our client said his users don't know how to use the program. So, write a documentation to them.
Programmer: Ok, I'll do it and include it on help section
(Some time later...)
Boss: The client said the users don't know where's the documentation, so make it more prominent...
Programmer: Ok, I'll put it on the screen as soon as the system runs...
(Some time later...)
Boss: The client said the users don't know that they need to read the documentation
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: What else could we expect from the users

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Conrado Adolpho";
Boss: Our client wants a invisible button on system to access site statistics without anyone else know how he does
Programmer: What an awful idea!
Boss: Do what he asks, because you don't talk with the users, so you don't know how to do it...
(Later...)
Boss: The user called complaining because he's not finding the button with the statistics...
--
T-shirt: I'm not designer

Programmer: Hey, who are you?
Programmer from the future: I am you, from the future...
- Geez!
- I came to bring you an advice: You have to get off from that project, before it will be too late
- But the boss said the user wants a simple system and the money will compensate the implementation
- Trust me... There's no requirements gathering. The only thing your boss knows is that the user wants something, but not sure what. They won't do any analysis and you'll carry all project by your own. After a 7 months implementation, with overtime, sleepless nights, changing requirements, reimplementation and tons of workarounds, the user will say that it's nothing like he had thought and you'll have to start all over again
- But if I change the future, you'll not exist anymore and you won't come back to give me this advice!
- Probably my timeline will become alternate, but it's worth to sacrifice...
- Or it may generates a space-time paradox that coulde explode the whole universe!
- Trust me, it would still be worth...
--
T-shirt: #100

Programmer: Hey, Boss! We need to improve our ticket system. I suggest to create 3 priority levels: Urgent, very urgent and extremely urgent...
A.P.: Without medium and low priorities?
Programmer: Have you ever seen here anything with priority lower than urgent?
A.P.: You're right...
--
T-shirt: I hate mondays

real story;
string sender;
sender = "bidú";
Boss: Are you busy tonight?
Programmer: Why?
Boss: I need a favor. It's quick...
Programmer: What would it be?
Boss: I need you change all DNS on our company, then change server version from Debian to Fedora... Just an update. Could you stay here about 10 minutes after your regular time?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Diego Pablo";
Programmer: You shouldn't pass a form field value right to the SQL. A hacker could manipulate your query!
Alonso: Oh, but I don't do this! First I put the value on a variable, then the variable goes to the SQL!
Programmer: PLAFT!
--
T-shirt: XAVIER INSTITUTE FOR GIFTED PROGRAMMERS

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Rodrigo Ottero;
Boss: How is the development of that phone app?
Programmer: Well, using only one resource, at part-time, I estimate 25 days...
Boss: But why will it take so long?
Programmer: <Detailed Explanation>
Boss: But the cell phone is much smaller than a computer, how could it take longer to develop an app to it??
--
T-shirt: I.T. iPhone /home

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Fernando Zambrotta";
Friend: Man, I'm having a lot of troubles with databases at my company. Could you help me?
Programmer: Which database management system are you using?
Friend: Excel!
--
T-shirt: Do you know Google?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Tadeu Classe";
User: The company logo is not being displayed on the system reports!
Programmer: hmmm... Have you inserted the logo at the system?
User: No, we didn't have a logo yet... But we have a business card. It fits?
--
T-shirt: The world might have ended when they promised

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Paulo Ribeiro";
Boss: Well, you estimated 3000 hours to this project, but our client wants it on 30 days!
Programmer: Calculating... 3000 hours, 3 resources, 160 hours/month... Well, 6 months!
Boss: What could we deliver on 30 days?
Programmer: The Marketing team has some nice gifts...
--
T-shirt: No idea for this t-shirt