real story;
string sender;
sender = "Hyago Brendoll";
Friend: Dude, is it possible to recover some photos that I deleted from my USB stick?
Programmer: Yes, if you didn't overwrite them yet...
Friend: What??
Programmer: Did you copy anything to the stick after that?
Friend: No.
Programmer: So I can recover them
Friend: Man! This is awesome!! So you're telling me if I have a 8Gb USB stick, delete everything, then fill it again, I'll have 16Gb!!
Programmer (whispering): Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill.
--
T-shirt: Go home, you're drunk!

Boss: The customer asked if we have a list of sites to block at work...
Programmer: Oh, yes. Wait a minute...
Programmer: Alonso, please, just send me your browsing history...

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Silva";
Boss: At the board of directors we decided to redistribute the tasks to improve the process... From now on, Alonso will be exclusively on System A, A.P. on System B and the other systems will be distributed among the other programmers...
Prorgammer: I am "the other programmers"...
Boss: Damn! Bad luck!
--
T-shirt: You could hire some minions to help

Have you ever realized that the Cars movie is set in the future when driverless cars have already eliminated all the human beings?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Victor G.";
User: Since you updated the system my computer is writing everything on capital letters!
Programmer: Tell me, is there a little light turned on at your keyboard written "caps Lock" or an "A"?
User: Yes!
Programmer: So press "Caps Lock" key at the left border of your keyboard...
User: It works!! When did you install this key here?
(Programmer's glass crashes)
--
T-shirt: I'm not the support guy

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Hans Vledder";
Boss: How long would it take you to implement a dialer for our customers alarm system in C++?
Programmer: Do you have any requirements I can take a look at?
Boss: No, but it is simply a dialer, so come on now.
Programmer: I won't be able to give you an estimate if I don't know what it needs to do.
Boss (angry): Well the alarm system has a 2K EPROM, so come on now.
Programmer: I can fill that EPROM with zero's or ones within 15 minutes for you, or does it need to do anything particular?
Boss (mad): Of course it does, you idiot, I just told you THE CUSTOMER NEED A DIALER!!!
Programmer: Hmmm, ok...
Programmer: Do you have any requirements I can take a look at?
--
T-shirt: I'm not nike to just do it

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Tiago";
Alonso: Dude, are you good in javascript? I copied an alert code from a tutorial, but it's returning an error...
Programmer: Let me see...
Alonso: I got that code: alert("Strings must be enclosed in quotes");
Programmer: And what's the error??
Alonso: It shows an error box saying that the strings must be enclosed in quotes...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: You interrupted my minesweeper for this??

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Marcelo";
Boss: How much time do you need to finish your tasks?
Programmer: About 18 hours
Boss: Ok. And if I add another developer, could you finish until 12pm?
Programmer: It's 10am now. What kind of math are you using?
--
T-shirt: 2+2 = NaN

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Marcelo";
Manager: I was thinking and I know a way to agile the production... From now on we will develop systems without bugs to avoid wasting time on debugging
Programmer: Geez, man! Why no one thought of this before??
--
T-shirt: Division by zero