real story;
string sender;
sender = "Uedson Carlos";
Boss: The users are complaining about the system speed. You need to fix it to avoid complaining
Programmer: The tech team already checked and it's network problem, as we told you before
Boss: No, you didn't. But I told them that the problem might be a clogged cable...
--
T-shirt: ¯\_(?)_/¯

/* Definition of Done */
String[] senders = {
"Edson Yanaga",
"Bruno Souza"
};
Boss: Done?
Programmer: It’s done! Just compiling now...
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to test!
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to deploy!
Programmer: It’s done! Just a small bug, I’ll fix it!
Programmer: It’s done! It’s just the file that’s corrupted!
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to configure…
Boss: The customer says it is not working…
Programmer: How come? It works on my machine!
--
T-shirt: It's all true!

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Mauro";
Alonso: Someone updated the tasks table. WE'VE LOST EVERYTHING!
Programmer: What?
Alonso: That table has now only one column and all the records were replaced by the 8 number!
Programmer: I'll see it on my computer
(Later...)
Programmer: Everything is ok in the database
Alonso: Oh, forget it. Instead of * I typed "8" on select...
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: Why me?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Gordinho";
Boss: DAMN, PROGRAMMER! DO YOU WANT TO CRASH OUR COMPANY? WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT THE ISSUES ON THE PROJECT??
Programmer: What? I told you! I sent an email explaining everything!
Boss: DAMN, PROGRAMMER! YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL AND YOU EXPECT I WOULD READ?
--
T-shirt: <? die(); ?>

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Sergio Filho";
Boss: If we let that field as a Long integer, it will support the records amount we need?
Programmer: Oh, yeah. The long type is very large. Just to point out: on Date classes, Java uses long integer to store the number of milliseconds from 1970-01-01 till now and it's far from overflow...
Boss: I'm talking about long integer, not about date type!
--
T-shirt: Run Forest, Run

Boss: So you have to do (...) and (...)
Programmer: But you are reinventing the wheel! We have to...
Boss: Don't discuss! Do it my way!
(Later...)
Boss: It's perfect! I told you my way was the better one!
A.P.: Weird! His way was the better one?
Programmer: Of course not! I just ignored him and I did it the right way!
--
T-shirt: Online I am handsome

(Sometime in the future...)
Guy: Cool... At your age you sir keep working, dedicated... What is the secret to be with that age with that vitality?
Gray-haired Programmer: Well, I've been living always without sleep, programming all night, without a social life, drinking coffee and energy drinks all my life... Always at computer...
Guy: Wow! And how old are you?
Programmer: 30.
--
T-shirt: MSX

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Beto Raposa";
Boss: I don't understand all that code on your screen. It's greek to me. I need you always explain to me all you're doing... So I will know you're not working on something out from our projects...
Programmer: Ok. I'm implementing a class to manage the...
Boss: No, no... I don't need too much details... Just say you're working on our project always you're working on it.
--
T-shirt: My boss is a zombie

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Paiva";
Boss: So you will work online on those projects. The server is already in the cloud...
(Alonso looking up to the clouds)
--
T-shirt: Jean cloud van damme

real story;
string sender;
sender = "João Gabriel";
User: The poll you created for our site has kind of a weird behavior...
Programmer: How weird? Because it's already approved...
User: Yes, but I just saw that every time I vote one option, it changes the percentage of all other options!
--
T-shirt: I see dead users