real story;
string sender;
sender = "Suellen Colangelo";
Programmer: Dude, did you do something with the customers' databases?
Alonso: Oh, yeah... I found a nice program to manage and compare databases...
Programmer: And... ?
Alonso: And I realized that the sequences were each one on different numbers...
Programmer: And... ?
Alonso: And so I dropped the sequences...
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: It's not a bug, it's a feature

real story;
string sender;
sender = "werter";
Programmer: Tell me something: I got this use case... They want it implemented using ajax or in a simple post request?
Manager: Shhh... You'll have to ask it to somebody else... I don't understand about these I.T. things... I'm here just as a kludge...
--
T-shirt: I/O ERROR

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Antonio Mochi";
Boss: Please, send that text by email to all employees of our company
Programmer: The mail server is temporarily down...
Boss: Oh, really? So send a mail to everyone announcing that the mail server is down
--
T-shirt: Use the source, Luke

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Matori";
Boss: Change it to blue. Blue is better.
Programmer: Blue doesn't fit with the logo. It will let all heavy
Boss: Trust me, it will be better
Programmer: Okay...
Boss: No... Undo it... Blue is too heavy...
--
T-shirt: I will code for food

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Thiago Elias Rezende";
User: I filled out all fields, then I clicked on "save", but it's now a blank screen
Programmer: Okay. But there is no error message?
User: Wait, I'll see it...
(2 minutes later...)
User: I'm back.
Programmer: So, what's the error message?
User: "You have successfully registered!"
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: #FACEPALM

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Sandro Araújo";
Boss: I need a system to a loyalty program of a gas station. It has to manage the customers' cards, manage discounts...
Programmer: Okay...
Boss: I'll give you 4 days
Programmer: 4 days?!? Well... I'll try... But why do you need it in only 4 days?
Boss: Because it's been 2 years since the user request and he is waiting...
--
T-shirt: #IamDEV

real story;
string sender;
sender = "********";
Programmer: Hey, boss... In the file layout, the user ID has a length of 6, but in our database it has 8. What do we do?
Boss: Easy... Just divides it by 100... So, who needs to read the file only has to multiply it by 100 e it's done...
Programmer: ?!?!?
--
T-shirt: ?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Danilo J B";
Boss: The users are typing wrong info in that text box. We have to automate and lock it
Programmer: Okay... We can do this, but there are some situations when the user has to type the information, due external unpredictable factors they don't fit in the rules
Boss: So, you can do this way: Create a unlocked field where the user can type what he wants, but, at the same time, it's locked to prevent him to type wrong information
--
T-shirt: 0..1

Programmer: Oh, crap!
A.P.: What?
Programmer: It's already monday again
A.P.: Man, every week you complain about mondays... You have to stop it. Think it could be worse...
Programmer: How could it be worse?
A.P.: Well...
(Long silence)
A.P.: Okay... You're right...
--
T-shirt: Worse only if I was a programmer... OH WAIT!

Wife: Honey, why do you say that today is "programmer's day"?
Programmer: Because today is the 256th day of the year, or "day 255" if you start counting from zero. In binary it can be represented by one byte, which has 8 bits. Also, it's 2?, the highest power of 2 which is less than 365. And also 256 is 100 in hexadecimal...
Wife: Oh, I got it... It's numerology...
Programador: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: 0x100