real story;
string sender;
sender = "Sandro Araújo";
Boss: I need a system to a loyalty program of a gas station. It has to manage the customers' cards, manage discounts...
Programmer: Okay...
Boss: I'll give you 4 days
Programmer: 4 days?!? Well... I'll try... But why do you need it in only 4 days?
Boss: Because it's been 2 years since the user request and he is waiting...
--
T-shirt: #IamDEV

real story;
string sender;
sender = "********";
Programmer: Hey, boss... In the file layout, the user ID has a length of 6, but in our database it has 8. What do we do?
Boss: Easy... Just divides it by 100... So, who needs to read the file only has to multiply it by 100 e it's done...
Programmer: ?!?!?
--
T-shirt: ?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Danilo J B";
Boss: The users are typing wrong info in that text box. We have to automate and lock it
Programmer: Okay... We can do this, but there are some situations when the user has to type the information, due external unpredictable factors they don't fit in the rules
Boss: So, you can do this way: Create a unlocked field where the user can type what he wants, but, at the same time, it's locked to prevent him to type wrong information
--
T-shirt: 0..1

Programmer: Oh, crap!
A.P.: What?
Programmer: It's already monday again
A.P.: Man, every week you complain about mondays... You have to stop it. Think it could be worse...
Programmer: How could it be worse?
A.P.: Well...
(Long silence)
A.P.: Okay... You're right...
--
T-shirt: Worse only if I was a programmer... OH WAIT!

Wife: Honey, why do you say that today is "programmer's day"?
Programmer: Because today is the 256th day of the year, or "day 255" if you start counting from zero. In binary it can be represented by one byte, which has 8 bits. Also, it's 2?, the highest power of 2 which is less than 365. And also 256 is 100 in hexadecimal...
Wife: Oh, I got it... It's numerology...
Programador: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: 0x100

Do you ever have one of those days when you keep staring at the screen and nothing appears?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Asdrubal";
User: Is the system down?
Programmer: Yes. I'm working on it, but I don't have an estimate when it will be back up
User: Okay, but is there an estimate of when you will have an estimate?
(Another phone in the wall)
--
T-shirt: I don't know if it will be done before or after I kill you

You're bitten by a radioactive spider
Fiction: You get super powers (Spiderman)
Reality: You die of cancer
You're struck by a lightning
Fiction: You get super powers (Flash)
Reality: You die (not always)
You type some weird character sequence
Fiction: You get super powers (Freakazoid!)
Reality: iOS crash!
--
T-shirt: ?????? ??? ? ??? ? ??? ? ??????? ??? ?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Saulo Vieira";
Programmer: Hey man, do you know jQuery?
Jimmy: Sure, I know it...
Programmer: Okay, and how good are you developing with jQuery?
Jimmy: Well, not so good... Actually, I have always prefered Dreamweaver...
Programmer: TURBOMEGAPLOP!
--
T-shirt: The paranauê is strong with this one!

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Rafael Monico";
Asdrubal: Alonsina, I sent an email to that I.T. company, so please contact them and tell them that I've sent that email.
Alonsina: Okay.
Programmer's Mailbox:
From: Subject: Date:
secretary@asdrubalcorp Notice 11:33
ceo@asdrubalcorp Problem 11:21
The email:
Subject: Notice
Hi there, I'm getting in contact with you to tell you that my boss, Mr. Asdrubal, has sent you an email.
Programmer: PLOP!