To be aware 14/03/2022 01:45

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real story;
string sender = "Eduardo Franzoni";

Programmer: Alonso, did you request the merge of that feature?
Alonso: oh, yes!
Alonso: By the way, could you do me a favor?
Programmer: What?
Alonso: Could you explain to me what does this update I just wrote? Just for me to be aware...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
Camiseta: Logo The Developer's Life

Total equality 08/03/2022 12:06

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(Meeting)
Boss: Today is the International Women's Day and I'm very proud to announce that, from today, our company has a total equality policy among everyone!
Cheerings: Yeeeyy! Nice! Great decision!
Boss: Therefore, from now, every man in our company wil have their incomes reduced by 25%!
Men: WHAT???
Boss: Also, they will receive some harassment or dirty talk from our board members...
Men: AHN???
Boss: And that's not all. After work the man will have to wash their dishes, take care of home work and the children. They will also wash their own clothes and will be judged by their appearance at work...
Boss: And they will be insecure to walk in the street, get an uber or to stay at some closed place with another person...
Programmer: Wait, Boss... I think that may exist a better way to reach equality...
Boss: Don't you think that if it would exist, they would have tested it already?
--
Camiseta: Respect women

Captcha! 07/03/2022 10:12

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real story;
string sender = "Anderson Kemper";

(A few years ago, but not so many...)
User: I'm receiving a lot of spam from that contact form in the site. Is there any way to stop that spam?
Programmer: We could use a captcha on that form... Do you know, that "I'm not a robot" box
User: Don't be silly... Robotics are not so advanced!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
Camiseta: Don't panic

Internet issues 03/03/2022 15:52

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real story;
string sender = "Guilherme Carvalho";

Programmer: Boss, we can't remote update the user's software 'cause they're having some Internet issues...
Boss: Well... Do you know how to solve these "Internet issues"?
Programmer: It depends on what are these issues
Boss: So, do this: You access there and solve these issues from here...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
Camiseta: Internet == Magic

More prominent 01/03/2022 10:43

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real story;
string sender = "Wender Fernandes";

Boss: The system report is not good enough. Can you make the title more prominent?
Programmer: More prominent? Only if I print it blinking!
Boss: Is it hard to do?
Programmer: PLOP!
--
Camiseta: <blink>?</blink>

New requirements 25/02/2022 10:26

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Original: Novos(?) requisitos

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real story;
string sender = "Kumar Sudhanshu";

Boss: Our client has new requirements: they want to move to cloud, revamp UI, responsive design...
Programmer: Cool!
Boss: Also, they want it to work on Internet Explorer and javascript disabled!
Programmer: Ok. We can deliver them an abacus.
--
T-shirt: Ancient users

Turbo! 23/02/2022 17:06

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Original: Turbo!

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real story;
string sender = "Leonardo Chaves Cavalcante";

Boss: The users are complaining about the slowing on file processing.
Programmer: Man, here's the problem: the system is retrieving all database in each processed line...
Boss: Wait! If you just solve it, we will be admitting the error! Instead, you may create a new button "Turbo Processing", which calls the right way to process the files!
(Some days later...)
User: Wow! congratulations to your team! That new Turbo Processing is amazing!
--
T-shirt: It's Turbo Time!

The algorithm 22/02/2022 15:16

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Original: O algoritmo

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(Team meeting)
Boss: From now on everyone in our team will have to engage in creating online content, in order to maintain the algorithm always fed...
Boss: We will develop a schedule to always have one person responsible on post new content to let our company better sighted by the algorithm...
Boss: 'cause if we stay even a bit of time without posting, the algorithm will punish us...
Boss: So, the company bought a book to teach us how to be under the algorithm's rules...
Boss: And we will have an expert in the algorithm to help us to get near the top... Any question?
Programmer: Yes, I have one...
Programmer: Have you ever figure that we treat the "algorithm" as the ancient cultures used to treat their gods, who needed to be satisfied?
The other programmers: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: do not anger the algorithm

I already have the domain 15/03/2018 02:41

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Original: Já tenho o domínio

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real story;
string sender = "@rogeriocs";

User: I'm starting a new business and I want to hire you to create an e-commerce for it...
Programmer: Cool, what will you gonna sell?
User: I don't know yet... The only thing I already have is the domain: asdrubalcosmetics.store
Programmer: So, will you sell cosmetics?
User: We don't know yet...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: That's enough for today

Right Column 30/01/2017 09:46

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Original: Coluna Logo

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real story;
string sender = "marlon de frança xavier";

Programmer: Alonso, who did create the products table?
Alonso: Me...
Programmer: Why does it has a column named "right" storing the products' barcodes?
Alonso: The boss asked for... Look...
email: "... insert a column right after ID column to store the barcodes"
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: That's enough for today

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