/* True story sent by Maxmiliano Franco Braga */
A.P.: Hey man, do you know that form you did?
Programmer: Yeah...
A.P.: Well, it's crashing on line 12. Could you...
Programmer: Okay, you can fix it! It's open source!

/* True story sent by Uilson */
Boss: We need better equipment
2 days later...
Boss: We have to modernize our equipment
1 month later...
Boss: We can't go on with these equipment...
2 years later...
Boss: We need better equipment... I've been saying it for the last two years... Get on it!
Programmer: But you're the one who buys the equipment
Boss: Well... On second thought, this equipment is good enough to what we're doing

Client: I need a software to calculate the numbers of lottery
Programmer: Oh, but it's impossible!
Client: No, it isn't! I have all the idea on my mind.
Programmer: Do you know the probability?
Client: Oh, yeah. I have some formulas on my mind... It's very simple...
Programmer: There are billions of combinations!
Client: I have the formulas. I only need someone to code it...
Programmer: Ok. If you want a program, I can code a program...
Client: Great. So I'll pay you with 10% of the prize!

Manager: I think you should drink less coffee
Programmer: Less coffee implies less productivity
Manager: But it can also give you gastritis
Programmer: No, it won't, because I already have
Manager: Ok. But too much coffee also makes your teeth yellow
Programmer: So there's no problem! My teeth never appear on these comics!

Programmer: Hey man, do you think it's possible that evolution theory and intelligent design be both true, at the same time?
A.P.: I don't know... Why?
Programmer: 'cause I'm sure that the way I am, the only way I've been created was by a perfect planning and design, by someone intelligent and organized...
Programmer: But I'm also convinced that some people must be a product of some atoms randomly combined...
Jack: Somebody called me?

/* true story sent by Rafael Toscano */
Boss: Alonso, what are you doing?
Alonso (on Facebook): It's compiling...
15 min later...
Boss: And now, what are you doing
Alonso (still on facebook): I just work on an interface, but now i'm compiling...
1 hour later
Boss: Alonso, please send your CV to rudolph's email
Alonso: Why?? What happened?
Boss: He asked me if I know a good c++ compiler

Alonso: It's curious how many guys from our area are married with psychologists. I wonder why...
Programmer: No!! No!! No!! It's a string, you stupid machine who doesn't even makes coffee!
A.P.: Do I need to answer?
Programmer: Sorry... I should not yell at you

/* True story sent by jeandro */
Programmer: Man, did you see that it crashes when you type letters instead of numbers in that field you created?
Jack: Yeah, it crashes…
Programmer: Alright, so you just need to validate the field…
Jack: The field asks for numbers. The user obviously won’t type letters.
Programmer: Don’t forget the first rule of I.T.: "Never underestimate the user!"

/* True story sent by Edmilson Felix */
Programmer: DBA? I need a new column in the `workaround` table please.
DBA: Okay! What’s this column for?
Programmer: It will store the URL that the user typed in the browser.
DBA: Hmm… Okay, but what’s an URL?
Programmer:
DBA: Uh, okay. But what a browser?
Programmer:
DBA: Okay, but do you really need this column?
Programmer: NO! I’M ASKING FOR YOU TO CREATE IT, BUT I’LL NEVER USE IT!!

/* True stories sent by berdam, @PensamentoOgro and João Soares */
Manager: Could you get me a report about the items that aren’t in the system?
Programmer: Ohhhhhhh God!
–
Boss: I think I’ve got a presentation on my laptop but I don’t know when I created it. I need you find it. I will present it this afternoon.
Programmer: How can I find something you that you don’t even know exists?
Boss: You’re the expert!
–
Costumer: Well, the system I need is a piece of cake. You can do it in a week. I just need a customer database, vendor database, financial module, sales module, cash flow, fiscal printer, ...