/* True story sent by Eric */
Coworker: There was a problem with our system
Programmer: What happened?
Coworker: Someone deleted some data from the database
Programmer: Really? Let's do an audit
(After reading the logs...)
Programmer: Well, nobody else accessed the system... Only your user account...
Coworker: I'm the only one who uses this account. I wonder who deleted the data.
--
T-shirt: WYSIWYG

/* True story sent by Tonny */
Support: Hi. I’m visiting our client here, but he can’t find the record. What can I tell him?
Programmer: Ask him to click on “remove filter”
Support: He can’t.
Programmer: Why not?
Support: He’s using a laptop and laptops don’t have mice…
Programmer: PLOFT!
--
T-shirt: <t-shirt>

/* true story lived by airton And elias */
Programmer: Man, I’m going to give an iPad to my girlfriend…
A.P.: You’re going to give your girlfriend an iPad?!?
Programmer: Yep…
A.P.: Do you wanna date me?

/* True story sent by Lucas Saliba */
Boss: I want you to put a user auth on the payments page.
Programmer: Alright... Just so I know... Why do you need to auth the payments?
Boss: It’s simple... Imagine you lose your bill, then some wise guy finds it and goes and pays it...
--
T-shirt: I'm back

/* True story sent by Elison j. */
Programmer: Man, this is my first day here... Could you answer me a question?
Coworker: Say it...
Programmer: Where's the coffee?
Coworker: Coffee? Nobody drinks coffee here...
Programmer: LET ME OUT!!!
--
T-shirt: No coffee, no life

/* True story sent by Gabriel Fonseca */
Boss: The names of your methods aren't obvious...
Programmer: What do you mean?
Boss: The point is that I never know which verb was used
Programmer: exclude() isn't obvious?
Boss: 'Exclude' is the worst! It has to be 'delete' because it's the same letter
Programmer: BUT WHAT LETTER??
--
T-shirt: Go figure

(Coffee break...)
Coworker 1: I was wondering... What is the answer to life, the universe and everything? Love?
Coworker 2: Success?
Coworker 1: Happiness?
Programmer: he he he
Coworker 2: Why are you laughing?
Programmer: Because I know the answer… But you won’t like it...
--
T-shirt: 42

Client: So, have you finished those modifications on our system?
Programmer: Not yet. It will be done only by tomorrow, afternoon
Client: Tomorrow?!? But it's just a simple modification!
Programmer: ok. I'm sending it now to your email
Client: What?? Have you finished??
Programmer: No. I'm sending the source code. Since it's simple, you can do it by yourself
--
T-shirt: You're wrong. Always.

/* true story sent by Washington Aquino */
Programmer: Do you have an updated backup from the database? I'll need to restore it.
Support: Backup??? Oh, sure, I have it...
(At the computer)
DROP DATABASE?
OK!
Programmer: Can you send me the backup, please?
Support: Well... backup??? uh... I was embarrassed to tell it... But I don't know what a Backup is
--
T-Shirt: Why didn't I go to med school?

/* Sent by Muriel Godoi */
Programmer: I developed a new way to generate random strings...
A. P.: How? It's based on processor's clock?
Programmer? No... Just let the trainee using the "VI" and asked him to close it...
A. P.: Effective...