(Coffee break...)
Coworker 1: I was wondering... What is the answer to life, the universe and everything? Love?
Coworker 2: Success?
Coworker 1: Happiness?
Programmer: he he he
Coworker 2: Why are you laughing?
Programmer: Because I know the answer… But you won’t like it...
--
T-shirt: 42

Client: So, have you finished those modifications on our system?
Programmer: Not yet. It will be done only by tomorrow, afternoon
Client: Tomorrow?!? But it's just a simple modification!
Programmer: ok. I'm sending it now to your email
Client: What?? Have you finished??
Programmer: No. I'm sending the source code. Since it's simple, you can do it by yourself
--
T-shirt: You're wrong. Always.

/* true story sent by Washington Aquino */
Programmer: Do you have an updated backup from the database? I'll need to restore it.
Support: Backup??? Oh, sure, I have it...
(At the computer)
DROP DATABASE?
OK!
Programmer: Can you send me the backup, please?
Support: Well... backup??? uh... I was embarrassed to tell it... But I don't know what a Backup is
--
T-Shirt: Why didn't I go to med school?

/* Sent by Muriel Godoi */
Programmer: I developed a new way to generate random strings...
A. P.: How? It's based on processor's clock?
Programmer? No... Just let the trainee using the "VI" and asked him to close it...
A. P.: Effective...

Friend: I've heard about "free" and "proprietary" software... Why do you call "proprietary" the non-free software?
Programmer: It's simple... Because when you buy the software, in a weird way, it becomes your proprietary... He owns you!
Friend: But if I bought it, i'm the owner!
Programmer: Really?? So, who defines how will you use the software? Or on how many computers you can use it? Or if you can update it? Or else, who chooses if you can know how it works inside...

/* True story sent by Erisvaldo Carvalho */
Manager: What code is it that you're trying to fix?
Programmer: SQL...
Manager: Hmmm... Let me see it...
Manager: I wonder that the error is there on these -- (minus minus), because "minus minus" equals "plus"... It's a calculus fail

/* True story sent by Aloisio Almeida Jr */
Wife: Darling, you never told what you're working on
Programmer: It's because my actual project is classified...
Wife: What??? Are you saying you don't trust me?!?
Programmer: HUMPF... ok, I tell you...
15 minutes later (after a "for dummies" explanation)
Programmer: So, this is it... Got it?
Wife: Oh, no... But I don't care...

/* True story sent by bruno */
Boss: That form you made on site isn't working...
Programmer: Wait a minute... I'll fix it...
Programmer: And... It's done.
Boss: Alright, I'll see it...
Hours later...
Boss: Weird... When you told me that it's done, that form wasn't working yet... It started to work only a couple of hours later, after I press F5

/* True story sent by Ian Magalhães */
Wife: Wow! Did you create this site?
Programmer: Yeah!
Wife: And what's that logo at the bottom?
Programmer: It's designer's logo
Wife: So, who created the site, He or you?
Programmer: I programmed... He did the layout!
Wife: So, he created...

/* True story sent by Marcos Henrique */
Boss: What are you doing?
Programmer: Programming...
Boss: Great! come here and help me move a cabinet
Programmer: There's no one else to help you?
Boss: No, everyone else is working!