Programmers are always confused between Halloween and Christmas
Because 31OCT = 25DEC

(Working on-site from a client's office)
User came in with Programmer's Boss: Did you see it? I told you... He stays all day playing that game...
Boss: Oh, it's ok. That "game" he is allowed to "play". It's in that "game" that he writes your software...
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T-shirt: CSS is not CS

Once my boss came in and told me that I must make the cookies the right way.
I said I couldn't, because I don't know how to cook.
We laugh a lot.
I got fired.
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T-shirt: It's stronger than me...

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Antonio";
User: Hi, remember me? You wrote an inventory control system years ago... It's saying "vb6 error 61 disk full", do you know what is it?
Programmer: Well, I can check it at home... But you may delete all the porn on your server that it may work... (Clown nose)
(Minutes later...)
User: It worked, thanks! Good to know I can count on you even after so many years...
Programmer: PLOP!
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T-shirt: People take me serious only when i'm joking...

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Claudio Ramone";
Boss: I need the new report for today urgently!
Programmer: ok
(Later)
Programmer (to Alex): Weird... Look this: Clothes $2,000.00, shoes $500.00... I wonder who would be that customer...
(Later...)
Boss (at phone): Honey, I'm looking your credit card bill and it's too high this month, sweetheart...
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T-shirt: If only Anakin had not fallen in love...

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Linston Benatti";
Programmer: Boss, you gave me those two analysis to do today, but I only have time to do one. Which one has higher priority?
Boss: Both
Programmer: You didn't get it. I can only do one of them today. Which one is more important?
Boss: Both. Mix them, combine them, and turn both in one, so you can do both!
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T-shirt: 1. Do not injury a human

(1985...)
Doc. Brown: Marty! You've gotta come back with me to the future. It's your kids, Marty.
Marty: Wait, my kids?? Are you saying they will join on a heavy gang, then they will vandalize the city and get arrested?
Doc. Brown: Even worse... They will become programmers!
Marty: This is heavy, Doc!

string sender;
sender = "Duda Nogueira";
Programmer: Come on, stop that crap that Java is slow...
Programmer: Wait, I'll show you my code to prove that Java is not slow. You'll see it...
Programmer: Wait, the IDE is starting...
Programmer: Just a moment... It's almost done...
Programmer: Just a little bit... You'll see how fast it is...
Alex: zzzzzzzz
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T-shirt: Just wait and get a coffee

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Diego Hellas";
Programmer: After log in, type: set password = password('newpass');
Programmer: Did it work?
Alonso: Yeah... But now my password is "newpass"... How can I change it?
Programmer: PLOP!
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T-shirt: Your new password is: Arnold Schwarzenegger

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Ricardo Kajihara";
Alex: Dude, are you ready?
Programmer: For what?
Alex: I'm forwarding you an user message...
The message:
Subject: Hard to understand the images.
Good afternoon,
The validation images are in very low graphics quality, we're experiencing some difficulty to identify the letters.
(Below the user sent a captcha image)
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T-shirt: If I had a heart I'd be hypertensive