real historia;
string sender = "Gilmar Candido";
Boss: The deadline must be respected. So you need to release the software in 2 weeks
Programmer: So we need more people on team and the company will have to pay extra time...
Boss: The original costs must be respected
Programmer: So we can't release a working software that way
Boss: The contract does not have the word "Working", it only has "costs" and "deadline"
--
T-shirt: \o/

real historia;
string sender = "Guilherme Melegari";
Friend: Dude, that software you gave me only worked for one month, then it doens't work anymore...
Programmer: Oh, yeah... It was the test period
Friend: Hmmm... So they were testing me to know if i am good?
--
T-shirt: quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur

(A near future...)
Alonso: Dude, are you the instructor?
Programmer: Oh, yeah. Now, with autonomous cars, programmers are the best driving instructors...
Programmer: And due the intelligence level of autonomous cars, we can reduce all the lessons to just one
Alonso: Wow! Cool! What do I have to do now?
Programmer: Well, just get in and don't touch anything!
--
T-shirt: #TeamAutobots

real story;
string sender = "Juliano Russo de Andrade";
User: When I ask a report for one client the system shows it with the name of another one...
Programmer: Please, see if this record has any relation with the other, or if they both are on the same record...
User: It seems they don't have any relation... But do you want I call them to ask if they know each other?
(Programmer's glasses breaking)
--
T-shirt: I hate phones

real story;
string sender = "André Rodrigues";
User: So, it seems that your system does all I need, but...
User: I need to know if the system does...
Boss: It does... For sure!
Boss: And if it can't do it, our programmer can!
(Programmer spits the coffee)
--
T-shirt: Missing you, UML

real story;
string sender = "Stefano";
Boss: We have to create a website on 15 days!
Programmer: But it's a simple site, just html and css?
Boss: No. A complete one, with pictures too!
(Programmer's glass breaking)
--
T-shirt: I love my mother...board

real story;
string sender = "Stefano";
Boss: We have to create a website on 15 days!
Programmer: But it's a simple site, just html and css?
Boss: No. A complete one, with pictures too!
(Programmer's glass breaking)
--
T-shirt: 3. protect own existence

real story;
string sender = "João Pontes";
Boss: I just arrived from customer's office...
Programmer: What did he say?
Boss: Well, He's not happy. He told me that the prototype isn't reflecting the real features of the application
Programmer: But it's a prototype! It's expected to not have all features
Boss: Yes, and it's the reason why, from today, all of our prototypes will have to do inserts in the database
(Programmer's glass breaking)
--
T-shirt: 2. must obey orders

Batman v Superman == Batman Superman | Batman | Superman
Batman ^ Superman == Batman Superman
Batman xor Superman == Batman | Superman
~ Batman v Superman == Batman Superman | Superman | null
Batman v ~ Superman == Batman Superman | Batman | null
~ (Batman ^ Superman) == Superman | Batman | null
~ (Batman v Superman) == null

real story;
string sender;
sender = "edio";
Boss: The password must be encrypted to store it on database...
Programmer: Great! No problem!
Boss: Then it must have a copy of unencrypted password to send it by email...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Why can't we store only the asterisks?