real story;
string sender = "Canez";
(Call from support guy)
Support: Dude, help me: I have to update an invoice description... Or maybe the value... I don't know... Also I don't know what kind of invoice... May I update it?
Programmer: Let me see, you don't know what you have to change, not even the kind of invoice, but you want to know if you can update it?
Support: Wow! yes! You got it!!
Programmer: NOOOO! First you have to know what you really need!!
(Programmer throws the phone againt the wall)
--
T-shirt: Ctrl+Alt+Del

string sender = "Gustavo";
Boss: We need to buy a software to obfuscate the source code
Programmer: No, we don't need...
Boss: What? Why not?
Programmer: Our intern already writes obfuscated code...
--
T-shirt: Beautiful is better than ugly

real story;
string sender = "Marcos Lima";
Trainee: Dude, could you suggest me a good C compiler?
Programmer: Sure! You could start with devcpp, which has a compiler, a debugger and the code editor...
Trainee: Great! Can I ask you only a quick little favor?
Programmer: Say it...
Trainee: Could you teach me how to program in C?
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: To infinity and beyond!

real story;
string sender = "Dewes";
Boss: Who can see the messages in that forum you've installed here?
Programmer: Everyone...
Boss: Ok, but who? The users?
Programmer: Uh, yes...
Boss: But they can see only if they access it, right?
Programmer: ?
--
T-shirt: It's not hard to be above par

Boss: The customer wants to take off all those search options. It's heavy and confused...
Programmer: Ok. Just tell me how he wants to filter and organize the data, then I will create the rules inside the SQL, optimizing it, with less options.
(The next day)
Boss: It's very simple: He wants a Google like search. Only one field to write anything. It doesn't have to be in order, but the first item MUST be the one that the user wishes...
--
T-shirt: Occult computer science

real story;
string sender = "Cleórbete Santos";
Manager: Are you the tech support?
Programmer: No, I'm a programmer
Manager: Great! It also serves...
Manager: Go downstairs, get some boxes I have let there and take them to my office...
--
T-shirt: I should have been sick

real story;
string sender = "Felipe (@hupfauer)";
User: Your system is not working!
Programmer: Explain it better... What do you mean by "it's not working"
User: A tech guy came here, formatted my computer, now your system is not working anymore...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Use Windows, you deserve it

real story;
string sender = "Marcos Jahn";
Alonso: There's an error here when I try to store the records...
Programmer: Let me see...
Code:
if ([condition]){
[code]
}
Programmer: Oh, you only have to take off that "if"
(Later...)
Alonso: Still not working...
Code:
([condition]){
[code]
}
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: Shoot me

real historia;
string sender = "João Neviadunski";
Programmer: You said you program in Java, right?
Jimmy: Oh, yes... I have been programing in Java for 17 years...
(Later...)
Jimmy: Jeeeezzz! I've never seen it before! I'm trying to compile and it is asking for something called "jdk". Do you have it?
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: All you need is coffee

string sender = "Daniel Pedroso";
Alex: Dude, what do you think about design patterns?
Programmer: Cool, but the best pattern to solve our problems is the "RCP"...
Alex: RCP? What's RCP?
Programmer: "Reuse by Copy and Paste"
Alex: Ugh!
--
T-shirt: Why so serious?