real story;
string sender = "Felipe (@hupfauer)";
User: Your system is not working!
Programmer: Explain it better... What do you mean by "it's not working"
User: A tech guy came here, formatted my computer, now your system is not working anymore...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Use Windows, you deserve it

real story;
string sender = "Marcos Jahn";
Alonso: There's an error here when I try to store the records...
Programmer: Let me see...
Code:
if ([condition]){
[code]
}
Programmer: Oh, you only have to take off that "if"
(Later...)
Alonso: Still not working...
Code:
([condition]){
[code]
}
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: Shoot me

real historia;
string sender = "João Neviadunski";
Programmer: You said you program in Java, right?
Jimmy: Oh, yes... I have been programing in Java for 17 years...
(Later...)
Jimmy: Jeeeezzz! I've never seen it before! I'm trying to compile and it is asking for something called "jdk". Do you have it?
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: All you need is coffee

string sender = "Daniel Pedroso";
Alex: Dude, what do you think about design patterns?
Programmer: Cool, but the best pattern to solve our problems is the "RCP"...
Alex: RCP? What's RCP?
Programmer: "Reuse by Copy and Paste"
Alex: Ugh!
--
T-shirt: Why so serious?

real historia;
string sender = "Gilmar Candido";
Boss: The deadline must be respected. So you need to release the software in 2 weeks
Programmer: So we need more people on team and the company will have to pay extra time...
Boss: The original costs must be respected
Programmer: So we can't release a working software that way
Boss: The contract does not have the word "Working", it only has "costs" and "deadline"
--
T-shirt: \o/

real historia;
string sender = "Guilherme Melegari";
Friend: Dude, that software you gave me only worked for one month, then it doens't work anymore...
Programmer: Oh, yeah... It was the test period
Friend: Hmmm... So they were testing me to know if i am good?
--
T-shirt: quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur

(A near future...)
Alonso: Dude, are you the instructor?
Programmer: Oh, yeah. Now, with autonomous cars, programmers are the best driving instructors...
Programmer: And due the intelligence level of autonomous cars, we can reduce all the lessons to just one
Alonso: Wow! Cool! What do I have to do now?
Programmer: Well, just get in and don't touch anything!
--
T-shirt: #TeamAutobots

real story;
string sender = "Juliano Russo de Andrade";
User: When I ask a report for one client the system shows it with the name of another one...
Programmer: Please, see if this record has any relation with the other, or if they both are on the same record...
User: It seems they don't have any relation... But do you want I call them to ask if they know each other?
(Programmer's glasses breaking)
--
T-shirt: I hate phones

real story;
string sender = "André Rodrigues";
User: So, it seems that your system does all I need, but...
User: I need to know if the system does...
Boss: It does... For sure!
Boss: And if it can't do it, our programmer can!
(Programmer spits the coffee)
--
T-shirt: Missing you, UML

real story;
string sender = "Stefano";
Boss: We have to create a website on 15 days!
Programmer: But it's a simple site, just html and css?
Boss: No. A complete one, with pictures too!
(Programmer's glass breaking)
--
T-shirt: I love my mother...board