real story;
string sender = "Wender Fernandes";
Boss: The system report is not good enough. Can you make the title more prominent?
Programmer: More prominent? Only if I print it blinking!
Boss: Is it hard to do?
Programmer: PLOP!
--
Camiseta: <blink>?</blink>

real story;
string sender = "Kumar Sudhanshu";
Boss: Our client has new requirements: they want to move to cloud, revamp UI, responsive design...
Programmer: Cool!
Boss: Also, they want it to work on Internet Explorer and javascript disabled!
Programmer: Ok. We can deliver them an abacus.
--
T-shirt: Ancient users

real story;
string sender = "Leonardo Chaves Cavalcante";
Boss: The users are complaining about the slowing on file processing.
Programmer: Man, here's the problem: the system is retrieving all database in each processed line...
Boss: Wait! If you just solve it, we will be admitting the error! Instead, you may create a new button "Turbo Processing", which calls the right way to process the files!
(Some days later...)
User: Wow! congratulations to your team! That new Turbo Processing is amazing!
--
T-shirt: It's Turbo Time!

(Team meeting)
Boss: From now on everyone in our team will have to engage in creating online content, in order to maintain the algorithm always fed...
Boss: We will develop a schedule to always have one person responsible on post new content to let our company better sighted by the algorithm...
Boss: 'cause if we stay even a bit of time without posting, the algorithm will punish us...
Boss: So, the company bought a book to teach us how to be under the algorithm's rules...
Boss: And we will have an expert in the algorithm to help us to get near the top... Any question?
Programmer: Yes, I have one...
Programmer: Have you ever figure that we treat the "algorithm" as the ancient cultures used to treat their gods, who needed to be satisfied?
The other programmers: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: do not anger the algorithm

real story;
string sender = "@rogeriocs";
User: I'm starting a new business and I want to hire you to create an e-commerce for it...
Programmer: Cool, what will you gonna sell?
User: I don't know yet... The only thing I already have is the domain: asdrubalcosmetics.store
Programmer: So, will you sell cosmetics?
User: We don't know yet...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: That's enough for today

real story;
string sender = "marlon de frança xavier";
Programmer: Alonso, who did create the products table?
Alonso: Me...
Programmer: Why does it has a column named "right" storing the products' barcodes?
Alonso: The boss asked for... Look...
email: "... insert a column right after ID column to store the barcodes"
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: That's enough for today

real story;
string sender = "leonidas kirotawa";
Alonso: You know about Linux, right? How can I list the files in terminal?
Programmer: Type "ls -l"
Alonso: No, it's not right... "Command not found"
Programmer: It can't be, It's native... Let me see what did you type...
On screen:
alonso@bugs-bunny:~$ s
s: command not found
alonso@bugs-bunny:~$
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: mv alonso /dev/null

real story;
string sender = "Anonymous Student ";
Programmer: Duuuude!!! The primary key of this database is the student's name?
Alex: Weird, uh? It's legacy and no one is allowed to change...
Programmer: And how do they insert two students with the same name?
Alex: Oh, the directors have defined a "pattern" years ago... The first student with the name is inserted normally. If there was a new student with the same name, they would put an space after the name. A new one with the name, two spaces...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Let's trim!

real story;
string sender = "Kako Silva";
User: Did you receive a copy of the error?
Programmer: Yes, but... I received only a blank page. I think the intern scanned the wrong side of the report...
User: No, that's the error. When we ask to print the report, it prints only a blank page!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Good for those who can't read

real story;
string sender = "Tammy Alcala";
(2 guys talking)
Guy: ... And also a Warlocks team, especially if they were 2 warlocks using fear + succubus
Programmer (woman): Wow! So that's how they feel when I talk about programming...
Guy: And since when women know about programming?
Programmer: Well, just since Ada Lovelace was the first programmer in history!