real story;
string sender;
sender = "Marcelo";
Programmer: Hey Boss, so I won a free Java course taught by one of the best Java guys around at an event I attended. But the course is a week long, all day. Can I have this week off?
Boss: No way! We don't use Java in nothing in this company...
Programmer: What??? All our systems are written in Java...
(boss has a face of “uh...”)
--
T-shirt: Do you know that little coffee icon?

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Tiago Cipriano";
Programmer: Hey, Alonso, I need to use your application. What's the password?
Alonso: There isn’t one...
Programmer: ok.
Alonso: You just click the enter button, 'cause it's free software...
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: Free and promiscuous

(You get that cup of coffee, feel that delicious smell, drink the perfect combination of flavor and caffeine, and feel you'll have a perfect day!)
Programmer: Hmmmm...
(But then you remember you're a programmer...)
Programmer: Crap!
(So you get another cup of coffee, feel that delicious smell, drink the perfect combination of flavor and caffeine, and feel you'll have a perfect day!)
Programmer: Hmmmm...
(Now you're in a infinite loop...)
--
T-shirt: Life runs on coffee

Programmer: Honey, Do you know what today is?
Wife: Oh Darling... Sure I know... Today is the Valentine's day...
Programmer: Valentine's what?? No, no... Today is Delphi's birthday!
--
T-shirt: ? begin ? end

Boss: What a ?????! Our client is cracking the activation key of our software, to avoid to pay the monthly US$30...
Programmer: Hmm... Your system was made in delphi, right? And how much did you pay on Delphi?
Boss: Nothing... I'ts cracked
Programmer: hmmm... And how much for windows?
Boss: Just US$20 to the boy...
Programmer: And what word you used to our client?
--
T-shirt: Free Kevin Mitnick

/* True story sent by leandro pincini */
Boss: I want you split the log files by module to ease the reading under runtime
Programmer: ok
Boss: Have you finished?
Programmer: Yes. Logs separated
(Later...)
Boss: It's very hard to read the logs the way you've done. Write a script to search and join the logs by operation ID
--
T-shirt: ?

/* true story sent by Fábio Gomide Nolasco */
Boss: Great job on this website. Those were well invested 90 days.
Programmer: Well... I'm not a designer... So, I presented every step to you to assure it was done right
Boss: It's just a matter of style...
Programmer: Yep...
Boss: But now I just need two quick but important changes: Change the main color to green and change it from PHP to Java, so I can install it on our client's server...
--
T-shirt: Copyleft

/* True story sent by Paulo Eduardo */
Client: The system is displaying an error when we try to print...
Programmer: What's the error message?
Client: It says: Printer not found
Programmer: Is the printer turned on?
Client: I don't know. It's under repair...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: self

Boss: Since Jack took that flight to sidney and we have no news about him, we decided to hire someone else
Programmer: Please, tell this time you will hire someone with experience...
Boss: Sure! He has a lot of experience with computers. My nephew, Justin. He stays at the computer the whole day. He nuzzles everywhere and learns fast...
Nephew: Hi... what's your fb?
--
T-shirt: Have you tried the tech support?

/* True story sent by Eric */
Coworker: There was a problem with our system
Programmer: What happened?
Coworker: Someone deleted some data from the database
Programmer: Really? Let's do an audit
(After reading the logs...)
Programmer: Well, nobody else accessed the system... Only your user account...
Coworker: I'm the only one who uses this account. I wonder who deleted the data.
--
T-shirt: WYSIWYG