Programmer (talking to A.P.): Man, I've never seen so many error messages from the compiler!
Boss: So, is the program ready? We're on a deadline!
Programmer: Wait... Just 2 minutes...
(Coding...)
2 minutes later...
Programmer: Alright! It's done!
Boss: Great!
A.P.: How did you finish the program so fast?
Programmer: I just commented out the "error lines"... Now it compiles!

Programmer: Hey, look at this program I wrote... I'll compile it now
Computer: poof!
Programmer: Wait... Now it will work
Computer: poof!
Programmer: Now it will work
Computer: poof!
Programmer: Now it will work
Computer: poof!
5 hours later...
Programmer: Now it will work
Computer: poof!

A. P.: Man, I get mad with these ads... Ads should be more honest
Programmer: If they were honest, they wouldn't be ads
Programmer: Just imagine: "we deliver your system 2 months after deadline", or even "your system with more spaghetti than italy!"... or even worse: "Lowest price for your site, but made using ASP!"

Jack: You'll not believe... I erased all client data by mistake, I don't have a
backup and the server can restore their backup only next week... I'm lost!
Programmer: Well, it could be worse...
Jack: Impossible! How could it be worse?
Programmer: It could be me...

Friend: Free software doesn’t cost anything, so they call it "free"
Programmer: You're wrong, young padawan...
Programmer: Free as in freedom, not as in "Free beer"... But most people usually misunderstand...
Programmer: For example, I did a freelance job in January, but I think they thought that was a "free"lance like "free beer", because they haven't paid me yet...

A. P.: Hey dude, let's get lunch?
Programmer: Wait a minute, I'm in the zone...
Computer: Error! Not a number!
Programmer: Ok, let's get lunch!

Boss: From now on, you'll not use left or inner join anymore in database queries
Programmer: But what about the performance and...
Boss: It doesn't matter! only simple joins... 'cause I had to fix a bug when you weren't here and it's hard to understand when you use "left join"

Friend (on the phone): Hey dude, aren't you working today?
Programmer: No! Thank God it's holiday!
Friend: And what you gonna do to enjoy this holiday?
Programmer: I don't know. I think I'll just finish some programs here...

Jack: How can I open an .exe file on linux?
Programmer: You can't
Jack: There's no way to do it?
Programmer: Well, you can open some programs within wine... why?
Jack: Because an old friend of mine sent me some photos in file photos.exe
Programmer: (ploft)

A. P.: Windows 7 CD, Vista CD, XP CD, drivers CD... Give me the Ubuntu CD
Programmer: Sure... Working from home this weekend?
A. P.: Worse... Family reunion...